Johnny Cash - 'Nasty Dan' (with Oscar the Grouch)

we once had renters like this

ryg

they are incredible!!!

"that Mom"

for anyone who has kids or have been a kid, you should be familiar with "that Mom" who just can't get it right. Kids disheveled on recital night, late for conferences, missing PTA meetings, occasionally drunk at school events (actually that was my husband, that's a whole another amusing story). The one that causes you to very conceitedly say to yourself "What was she thinking?" fully knowing that you can't be the judge of what one is thinking, not being in that position yourself. I now realize I have become "that Mom". I can't get my hair to do that flip thing and I drive them to school in sweatpants and sometimes my pajamas. My car is the one emitting blue smoke under their Hummers in the parking lot. First occasion was at my son's Boy Scouts meeting, where I didn't know that you stayed the whole meeting there, unlike Girl Scouts where I just drop my daughter off. So the other parents were talking about Valentine's Day and these gel heart stickers were attached to the cards of one student and how dangerous they were because some of the 2nd graders (or their younger siblings at home) had mistaken them for candy. These were small (around nickel sized) red stickers with the consistency of plastic jello. I bought them because they looked cool and didn't believe 2nd graders would be so prone to put things in their mouth like toddlers. So I admitted to these parents that I was the parent lacking in good judgement and said "it's my boner" in front of them and the kids. Like my hole had not been dug deep enough! What makes that statement more humorous it that I am female. So I covered myself and said that I thought that referred to "bonehead" and not a man's erect penis. "Boner" is not in my list of the offensive curse words, but I can see how it was wrong.

Ok, so they were talking about favorite songs in my son's 2nd grade class. Many of them stated country songs or various songs from Disney soundtracks, mainly "High School Musical". My son said his is "Filthy Gorgeous" by the Scissor Sisters. (here's a vid link http://www.dailymotion.com/video/xbout_scissor-sisters-filthy-gorgeous ) Unfamiliar with that piece of work, he starts to sing it to them. I have seen him sing this song and he screams "cuz you're filthy ooh and gorgeous, you're disgusting ooh and nasty..........." at a high falsetto with his face all scrunched up. It's cute, though I would have given a fortune to have been a fly on the wall in his classroom. That must have been hilarious! I worry how my perceived actions (or lack of) will reflect on other mothers allowing their children to play with mine.

An added note about country songs, I angered a parent 2 years ago during the talent show at my kids' school. Of course, no inappropriate acts were allowed, and here's this 10 year old singing "Landslide" by Stevie Nicks, Smashing Pumpkins and The Dixie Chicks. The mom had only known of the Dixie Chicks version and felt it totally appropiate because it was a Dixie Chicks song about landslides and mountians. She was angry that I told her that song was about cocaine use and didn't believe me until a teacher Googled it and made her sing a different song.

Day after Easter

an incident on Friday made me realize I need to be a better person. My mother-in-law, who has been very critical of my Catholic upbringing, told me that Catholics did away with Lent. My husband and his parents were going to get lunch, and I reminded him that it was Good Friday and that limits my options. (my husband, by the way, brought me back a Cobb salad with chicken and bacon. I couldn't pick it all out so I did without.) His mother chimed in and stated that "Nobody eats fish on Friday anymore. The last Pope, well he got together with all these religious leaders and they had a big conference and they decided to do away with Lent." Well, I didn't receive that memo in my church bulletin. I told her that nobody has to eat fish, but they do need to abstain from meat on Fridays during Lent. I told her that she may be confused with the Pope allowing Catholics to have meat (corned beef, especially) for the special circumstance that St. Patrick's Day fell on a Friday last year. She was unwavering with her statements, which made me angry, because this woman is as old as my mom, and I felt no one of that age can be that clueless and that she was fucking with me. She goes on to tell me that half of her husband's family is all Catholic and they don't participate in Lent, and that makes her some sort of expert. She also said she has many Catholic friends and they don't abstain from meat. She has in years past fed my kids McDonalds on Good Friday despite my requests, and felt justified in doing so. My sister-in-law told me once that her 5 and 7-year-olds said after my daughters Baptismal mass that they thought my religion was stupid because we prayed to Mary. Really, they said that? Trust me, there is no Hail Mary said during mass. They all have been miserable to me about my beliefs so I got pissed. In reality, she was probably confused and referring to Vatican II in 1966, where Lenten rites were relaxed some and Latin was not the primary language of mass. I was born after that, so I had no clue. Thankfully the internet was able to educate me and by my emails to my mother-in-law, was able to educate her also. I feel angry at myself for not having more compassion for her lack of knowledge and now I have feelings of true pity for her fearing that she has made these incorrect remarks to other Catholics, and hopefully they were good enough Christians to not laugh at her.